Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
