Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
