He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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