I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
