she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
