I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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