Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
