I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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