I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
