would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
