If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
