Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
