we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
