i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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