Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
