I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
