When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize