It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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