I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
