Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
