Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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