Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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