the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
