What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
