sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
