She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize