so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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