You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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