If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
