yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
