They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
