In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
