I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
