and i looked up. we had an audience...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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