there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
