DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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