My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
