i jhust puked up my retainher.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
