He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
