hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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