Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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