Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
