so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
