Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize