you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
