just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
