Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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