So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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