Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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