So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
