I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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