I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
