My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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