Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
