Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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