The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
