ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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