actually, I'm a sock model
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
