help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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