Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
