He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
