Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Porn is love you can see.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
