She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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