So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
