she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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