Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
