I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize