I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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