So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
