im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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