I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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