just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
