Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
