You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
