Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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