i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
