Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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